I didn't shave. On purpose
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
