the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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