She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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