The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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