The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
