She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
