i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize