I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
