My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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