i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
The struggles of a small town man whore
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
