how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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