woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
