I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Floor bacon is actually really good
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Randomize
