Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
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