There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
