Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
