A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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