I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize