Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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