So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
