Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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