you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
