Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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