just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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