Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
