At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
