Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
