Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Church boner. Awkwardddd
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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