I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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