my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I think I have vodka in my lungs
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
