finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
