if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Come share oat with me in your robe
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
