see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Randomize
