3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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