i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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