You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Randomize
