She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
