My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Dignity is for republicans.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
