i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
