omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
