Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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