I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
