end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
