what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
