vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
