Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
