Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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