just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
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