You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
