Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
