2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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