Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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