and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Randomize
