we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
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