Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
