I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
