You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
