I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I can't put those talents on a resume
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
