halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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