one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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