I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
