This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
