Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
