i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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