quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
