do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
